Your Teen. Are you in the way?

As a coach, I often help clients identify and eliminate the thoughts, behaviors, and practices that get in the way of their success.  Fear, distraction, procrastination, not living in the moment, an unhealthy relationship with themselves, talking themselves out of what they know they want, self-sabotage, mean and biting self-criticism are just a few of the obstacles that we often uncover as standing in their way. 

We then work toward eliminating those obstacles which always translates into their drastically improved ability to move forward with ease, clarity, purpose, and greater speed (because they've found something to do with all of the stuff that was holding them back). 

I always stand in awe of this process and, without exception, feel honored each and every time I get to watch an individual's progress from our first meeting to the eventual accomplishment of their goals.  It looks, from where I sit, like an awakening and a reacquaintence with their intrinsic wisdom, truth, potential, and ability. Great stuff!

Anyway, I had a conversation with a really good friend last night who was extremely emotional as she vented about how she's been impacted by an important person in her life who, she says, consistently criticizes her every decision.  She went on to explain the decisions she's made as a result of the way that she has experienced this other person.  This made her all the more upset. We talked for quite some time.

Much later last evening I began to think about the situation from the perspective of the individual that my friend is in conflict with. I don't know this person but would guess that (at least in regard to their relationship with my friend) they have some behaviors that stand in their own way. I then wondered whether or not this person realized the enormity of impact upon how their behaviors, habits, criticism, sabotage, negativity, fear, etc., stood in the way of those with whom they interact.

People who are struggling within themselves can, at times, be so consumed that they lose sight of how their struggle affects other people.  This is, usually, not intentional but can be painful to observe and experience nonetheless. So my questions are these...

1. First off, in which ways are you standing in your own way? Do your behaviors, attitudes, thoughts, etc. align with the way that you want to experience your personal and/or professional life? If they don't, invest some quality time in figuring out what to do to get you there (shameless plug - I know a coach that will help).
2. Secondly, how aware are you of how your behaviors, fears, attitudes, thoughts, stress (really important) etc. impact those with whom you work, live, parent, are friends with?  
   1. Are you an encourager or a naysayer?
   2. How respectful (and supportive) are you of other people's decisions, no matter your opinion?
   3. Do you parent/manage/love/date/friend from fear masked in all knowing?
   4. How effectively do you manage your stress so that it doesn't permeate onto the people around you?
   5. How willing are you to allow other people to examine and experience their lives (mistakes and all) without judgement?
   6. If you are a parent, do you respect your teenager enough to allow them the freedom, creativity, and space to decide how they want to design their adult lives? Can you provide guidance, support, an ear, and compassion without grabbing their reins?

Imagine how much happier you would be if you were to get out of your own way and, also, the way of others. Please live the best life that you possibly can, and allow others to do the same.

As always, I wish you Love, Peace, and Awareness.

Lisane

(973) 378-2262 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting            (973) 378-2262      end_of_the_skype_highlighting

lisane@transitionhaven.com



What's Good?

I'm not sure that this is still "in" but several years ago, during his late adolescence, I noticed that my son and his friends would greet each other with either the question "What's good?" or "What's really good?"  At the time, the tired parent in me saw this as yet another way that my teen chose to connect to his inner urban "hood," through language.  Why couldn’t he just say “What’s up?” like the rest of the world (Can you tell that I was, at the time, all teened out)? So, while the tired parent-of-a-teen in me gritted her teeth, the coach in me, conversely, appreciated the fact that my son and his friends chose to say hello with a question about what was positive in their world at the time.

It occurred to me recently that what I hear in my “adult” travels is not much different from what I gathered (and, frankly, judged) during my parental eavesdropping: “What’s up” “Nothin’. What’s up with you?”  I wonder how often we really pay attention to this question? So, this is the challenge and I sure hope you take it: 

Add whatever works for you to the end of the “What’s ____”  in your greeting but push the person to really answer the question, and then challenge yourself to do the same.  You’ll find that what is “good,” “really good,” or “up” in your life is so much bigger and more powerful than what is not.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”   Philippians 4:8, new international version

Live Now!

Love and Peace folks.

Lisane