Do you believe in heaven and hell?

While talking with a friend this week, he asked whether I believe in Heaven and Hell. I loved his question and it's been on my mind since.

I'm not completely sure of what happens once we pass away. What I know to be true is that you and I have authoring rights within our corner of this world. We create and choose to live a life of either heaven or hell right here. Right now. On earth. In this very lifetime. 

This really is my life and my day-to-day choices determine how I will experience it; peaceful, grounded, filled with joy, levity and faith or panicked, disconnected, frustrated, fearful, emotionally heavy, filled with doom and gloom.   I've selected where, how, on what, and with whom I invest my time and energy. I choose to either limit or honor my ideas, dreams, and vision. I elect to perform for me or for the satisfaction and judgment of others. I've picked the people with whom I will walk this journey or allowed others to make those choices for me. I've allowed myself to create or to get sucked into others' drama or have determined to not be embroiled in it.  I've opted to either hold onto things and relationships that no longer work for me or to replace them with nothing at all or things and people that are more closely aligned with how I want to spend my days.  I've resolved to make a decision and let things go or to spend valuable time analyzing, back-tracking, and criticizing myself. These are just a few of the crossroads I've encountered. 

There have been times in my life that I have, literally, felt like I was walking through a hellish nightmare. Things weren't right. I felt tired, energy-less, and sluggish. I was on complete auto-pilot, all the time, and hated it. I was dis-connected from myself and, therefore, could not truly connect to anything.  Certain people simply did not fit and should not have been allowed to take residence in a way that was most comfortable for them, with little consideration for me (by me or them). I've been miserable, exhausted, energy-less, searching outside of me for the answers. I've been out of self-alignment and in turmoil and inner conflict.

There are also times when I feel like I "have" it. Life flows smoothly. I am grounded and at peace.  I am clear within myself and with/for those around me. I meet each day with excitement, energy, gratitude, and ready for the adventure of the day. I trust that I have every little and big thing I need to have the life I want. The latter is where I feel strongest, am happiest, and am living and loving from my heart.  

The bottom line is that we either believe we have the power to create our own world, or we opt to sacrifice the path we desire for the needs, opinions, judgements, assumptions, and "alleged" approval of others (alleged because attempts at external approval are often futile). You and I are born with the inherent ability to change what no longer serves our highest good. Isn't this Change Management in its most basic form?

What I love about this journey is that we do not have to make a one and done decision. We have choices and can exercise our ability to make them each and every day. My prayer for myself is that I remember this as my human right and not lose sight of this power that is at my disposal; right here and right now. 

I wish us all Love, Peace, Prosperity, and Abundant Joy.

Lisane

Scratch Your 2012 Resolutions. Create a New Lifestyle!

 The following article was recently published in the NJ Marketeer. Sharing....

Stanley Louis believes that the road to reaching your fitness goals should be efficient, energizing and, most importantly, an enjoyable experience that keeps you coming back for more.  

 “I am dedicated to helping busy individuals to, not just get into fantastic shape but, change their lives – one step at a time.” Says Stanley “My clients are super successful at meeting their goals because we work together toward finding the fun and enjoyment of getting into, and staying in, shape versus seeing it as something that they “have to” or “should” do.” 

 This, according to Stanley, is part of the reason why New Year’s resolutions so often fail by the end of January.   “People put too much energy into the idea of getting into shape. They over complicate things by focusing on where they want to be versus working out in the moment and allowing themselves to have fun in the process. It is about living a more active lifestyle, which includes exercise and proper nutrition as a core element.”

 Stanley has created programs for hundreds of clients that make the transition to an active lifestyle fun and exciting.  “All I need is for an individual to make time in their schedule to dedicate to their physical self.  Do that, and I bring the fun, the technique, and most of all quick and sustainable results.  Stop the dialogue in your head and just show up for yourself. My team and I will take care of the rest.”

Stanley Louis is an avid athlete, a fitness expert, consultant, boxer and the co-founder of Transition Haven, LLC. - an organization that provides personal and professional leadership services that include integrated coaching and fitness programs.  He has also earned the reputation for being a strategic and results oriented health and wellness consultant, specializing in improving the performance of personal fitness clubs and fitness departments. 

 Stanley has helped hundreds of individuals achieve their physical fitness goals through his dynamic and unique approach to personal training and fitness.  You can find Stanley these days at LA Boxing  (973) 593-9BOX (9269) in Florham Park where he is serving as the gym’s General Manager. He may also be reached at (908) 937-7839, at (973) 378-2262 or via email at info@transitionhaven.com.

Tips for Supporting your Children (and yourself) Through Divorce

Are you a parent who is going through a divorce?  If so, I am sorry to hear it, really. I know that it is tough and would like to share a few thoughts and tips that could help to make the transition a little easier for you and for your child(ren):

Envision that something big is going on around you and you have no control over the outcome or what it will mean for your future.  You see the writing on the wall and know that something is awry but you’re not completely clear on what is going on or what it will mean for your future (think the rumor mill during a potential down-sizing at your organization). You have questions, feel uncertain, and are solely reliant upon the people that you trust immensely to provide you answers and to let you know that, while the road ahead might be difficult, it will all work out.  This is what divorce feels like to your child.  However, while a major component of divorce is about the loss of love between the adults in the situation, the role of parents (no matter their feelings or conflict toward each other) is to support their child(ren) in accepting and understanding how their parents’ decision impacts them specifically.

Divorce is an extremely challenging life event. Nonetheless, there are things that you can do to make this an easier time for your children and to move your family forward in a healthier way. First off, avoid burdening your child with your own fears, uncertainty, heartache, personal loss, grief, etc.  Understand that he or she is going through their own version of the event and that extreme support, help, and understanding is what is in their best interest.  

That said, here are some tips that can help to ease the conversation about the transition to your child(ren):

Make sure that you are on a common page before bringing the situation to your children.  The news of an impending divorce is hard enough without them having to absorb conflict within the news of the change within the family.  It helps to plan what you will share ahead of time. The goal of the discussion is to simply communicate the facts in the situation and to allow your children the opportunity to process the information and to ask any initial questions they may have. Avoid blaming each other and giving too many details about the “why” in the divorce.  Remember that this conversation is completely for your child(ren). It is not about you or about proving what a jerk your spouse is.

Here are a few points that you may want to cover:

• That you’ve made a decision to divorce.
• What’s been decided about living arrangements
• Assure them of your love and your commitment to support them through the process
• Acknowledge that there is and will be a transition period and that there are some unknowns. Agree that you will keep the communications lines open and will let them know pertinent information as you know it.
• Give them the opportunity to process the information and to ask questions.  Allow them the choice to continue the conversation at that time, or not.  Give them space and time to process the news. While they may have known that there were issues going on, they may need some time to absorb what they’ve heard. Gift them that and ensure that they know that the communication lines are open and will remain open.

Listen to your child throughout the entire process and answer their questions honestly.  Try to really hear what your child wants to know and answer their questions as directly and honestly as possible. Here are a few Do’s and Don’ts that you may want to consider:

• Do try to really hear what your child wants to know and answer their questions as directly and honestly as possible.
• Do be honest – Yes. There will be change.  Yes. A parent will live someplace else. Yes. The two parents are working to resolve certain details etc. Yes. There is uncertainty and some unknowns. 
• Don’t use your child’s questions as an opportunity to blast the other parent. It is unfair to burden him or her with your fears, uncertainty, anger and frustration.
• Do not use your child(ren) as a communication tool to the other parent.
• Do not speak disparagingly about their other parent, no matter what is going on within the legal process. For example, if your child asks you to buy a pen do not use this as an opportunity to tell the child that you cannot buy the pen because the other parent has left the family to never afford to write again. Commit to keeping those conflicts and your frustrations around them away from your child. They don’t need the information and cannot do anything about it anyway. Figure it out and vent to someone else.
• Don’t hide from the situation.  Face it early on.  The process of divorce is extremely difficult, impacts almost every aspect of a family’s life (emotional, financial, structure, etc), in a very stressful and frustrating way.  The process also involves a tremendous amount of loss and change for all involved.
• Do ensure that those who need to know what is going on (including your child's teachers and other caregivers) are kept in the loop so that they can support you and your child(ren).
• Do seek help for yourself and for your child(ren) if needed. Lean on your family and friends.

Most importantly, it is almost impossible for you to care for another on an empty tank. Do remember that you really do need you during this time.  If you feel that you need support - ask for it and make sure that you get it. Avoid the urge to isolate. Keep the lines of communication open. Give yourself a break when you need one and remember that this is a temporary situation that does not have to define the rest of your life nor your child’s life. This too shall, most assuredly, pass. You, and your family, will get to the other side.  

Please reach out if you need us either for individual coaching or for our ground-breaking and highly effective divorce support program.

I wish you and your family Peace, forward movement, and the smoothest transition possible.

Lisane

(973) 378-2262 office

(973) 727-9099 cell

Lisane Basquiat is the co-founder of Transition Haven, LLC;  an organization that provides personal & professional leadership coaching, motivational and team-building speaking services, consultation in organizational effectiveness and change management strategies, workshops geared toward management development and personal leadership, team and executive coaching, physical fitness training, transformational retreats, and integrated coaching/fitness programs. Contact us at (973) 378-2262 for more information.

Women in the Workplace: Our Challenge

Last week, I was asked to conduct a lunch and learn on “Women and Leadership” for a group of female professionals within a primarily male organization. The purpose of the workshop was to help these emerging female leaders expand their influence and increase their visibility. We (about 25 of us) had a really interesting and lively discussion during which I shared best practices in management and leadership. We, also, contemplated the strengths and challenges that women bring to the workplace.

I enjoyed the experience immensely and left feeling incredibly gratified. I was also intrigued by the group’s response when I asked them each to share their greatest professional challenges.   These were the top 10:

• I struggle with Work/Life Balance.
• I don't feel comfortable promoting myself.
• I am too hard on myself.
• I don't feel comfortable delegating/If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.
• I have a hard time managing my stress. It sometimes shows.
• I struggle to understand what the “rules” are
• I take on too much.
• I always find myself with too much to do.
• I want to learn how/when to say no.
• I doubt myself.

Do any of those statements sound like you?

I'll be honest with you - the answers to the question weren’t what intrigued me. I’d heard these same responses from hundreds of clients many times before. What struck me is that these are such typical responses from females in the workplace that I hear far more infrequently from their male counterparts.  No matter the level, industry, role, years of experience, or expertise, women continue to struggle with taking on too much,  a lack of confidence, learning how to say no, and ultimately with unleashing our leadership abilities and potential.  We struggle with these in our professional and personal lives and it depletes us.

I believe that these are the greatest challenges facing female entrepreneurs and corporate leaders today.  I ‘m also confident that responding to this information presents an awesome opportunity for growth and advancement if we are willing to carve out some time in our own lives to contemplate a strategy for doing things in a manner that better serves us personally and professionally.  Are you up for the challenge?

I wish you Peace, Prosperity, and Powerful Leadership.

Lisane

Your Teen. Are you in the way?

As a coach, I often help clients identify and eliminate the thoughts, behaviors, and practices that get in the way of their success.  Fear, distraction, procrastination, not living in the moment, an unhealthy relationship with themselves, talking themselves out of what they know they want, self-sabotage, mean and biting self-criticism are just a few of the obstacles that we often uncover as standing in their way. 

We then work toward eliminating those obstacles which always translates into their drastically improved ability to move forward with ease, clarity, purpose, and greater speed (because they've found something to do with all of the stuff that was holding them back). 

I always stand in awe of this process and, without exception, feel honored each and every time I get to watch an individual's progress from our first meeting to the eventual accomplishment of their goals.  It looks, from where I sit, like an awakening and a reacquaintence with their intrinsic wisdom, truth, potential, and ability. Great stuff!

Anyway, I had a conversation with a really good friend last night who was extremely emotional as she vented about how she's been impacted by an important person in her life who, she says, consistently criticizes her every decision.  She went on to explain the decisions she's made as a result of the way that she has experienced this other person.  This made her all the more upset. We talked for quite some time.

Much later last evening I began to think about the situation from the perspective of the individual that my friend is in conflict with. I don't know this person but would guess that (at least in regard to their relationship with my friend) they have some behaviors that stand in their own way. I then wondered whether or not this person realized the enormity of impact upon how their behaviors, habits, criticism, sabotage, negativity, fear, etc., stood in the way of those with whom they interact.

People who are struggling within themselves can, at times, be so consumed that they lose sight of how their struggle affects other people.  This is, usually, not intentional but can be painful to observe and experience nonetheless. So my questions are these...

1. First off, in which ways are you standing in your own way? Do your behaviors, attitudes, thoughts, etc. align with the way that you want to experience your personal and/or professional life? If they don't, invest some quality time in figuring out what to do to get you there (shameless plug - I know a coach that will help).
2. Secondly, how aware are you of how your behaviors, fears, attitudes, thoughts, stress (really important) etc. impact those with whom you work, live, parent, are friends with?  
   1. Are you an encourager or a naysayer?
   2. How respectful (and supportive) are you of other people's decisions, no matter your opinion?
   3. Do you parent/manage/love/date/friend from fear masked in all knowing?
   4. How effectively do you manage your stress so that it doesn't permeate onto the people around you?
   5. How willing are you to allow other people to examine and experience their lives (mistakes and all) without judgement?
   6. If you are a parent, do you respect your teenager enough to allow them the freedom, creativity, and space to decide how they want to design their adult lives? Can you provide guidance, support, an ear, and compassion without grabbing their reins?

Imagine how much happier you would be if you were to get out of your own way and, also, the way of others. Please live the best life that you possibly can, and allow others to do the same.

As always, I wish you Love, Peace, and Awareness.

Lisane

(973) 378-2262 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting            (973) 378-2262      end_of_the_skype_highlighting

lisane@transitionhaven.com